Samuel, Age 15, New Mexico, from the series Are You Ok?
sheet: 20 × 16 in. (50.8 × 40.6 cm)
Duration: 1 minutes, 45 seconds
Interview Text
Samuel, Age 15, New Mexico, 2021
Samuel: I had a breakdown when it kind of hit me how many trans people were under attack, and even though it’s not directly affecting me I know that there are people like me in other states that are suffering. The hate is just going to go up because of these laws, so I’m fearful of someone finding out I’m trans and deciding to beat me up or kill me. It’s obvious at school that I’m trans because my legal name is my dead name, and sometimes I’ll have a substitute teacher and she’ll use the wrong name for me, so everyone in that class ends up knowing I’m trans. The fear that someone’s going to decide to do something is always there.
COVID has actually helped a little with the fear at school – only one person is allowed in the bathroom at a time, so I don’t have to worry about being attacked. You can’t arrive to school early, and you have to leave right away so there isn’t an actual window of time for someone to do something. I’m around people all the time, so it’s pretty doubtful that something bad is going to happen at school but the fear is still there.
Mom: You want to protect your kid, and you want to do whatever’s best for them. I thought that the world was a lot more accepting today than when I grew up. It surprises me that it’s worse now than when I was his age. Some things are better, but it’s hard to watch him go through things that you shouldn’t have to struggle with as a kid. And see things he shouldn’t have to see.
Samuel: Being out right now definitely makes me feel differently about my future. I’m a lot more aware. When I go to college, I’m going to look at which ones are LGBT friendly, and that kind of thing. And I think about where I eat, like is this place friendly, and I don’t go into public bathrooms because it’s scary.
I know some other trans kids and I don’t know exactly how they’re feeling because I’m not them, but we don’t really talk about these laws that much. I vented in an online group about it once and another person vented about it too and said that they were frustrated and angry and depressed and scared. I’m disgusted, angry and scared too.
There are some things going on on TikTok where people are getting awareness out about trans issues, and most of time the comments are fairly supportive. But if you go deeper and scroll down, there’s comments that aren’t at all supportive and that can be hard. I know some of them are just trolls, but it makes me feel angry to see that and then I get scared because it could happen to me. I’m lucky enough that it hasn’t yet, but I know it’s going to happen eventually.
I wanted to get involved in this project so that I can at least try to give hope to other trans people who live in those places, or maybe they don’t have supportive families. I know that trans people are probably going to commit suicide, so if I can just help a trans person hold on for one more day than it’s worth it for me to get involved. When I’m older I want to be a psychologist, or marine biologist, or an activist. /p>
Dad: Samuel’s awesome.
Samuel: Thanks man.
